Awkward Sex
by gordiesplace
Summary: Someone suggested since most Bones M fanfics have B&B having fantastic, amazing sex, but what if things didn't go quite so smoothly? So I went a little nuts,and typed this out in about ten minutes.Its kinda fun x Tell me if I should do more.
1. Chapter 1

1341.4 in reply to 1341.1

Booth and Brennan fell in through the door of Booth's apartment, mouths joined, hands all over each other. They fell back against the closed door, kissing with soldering passion. Booth ran his hand through brennan's hair, and his watch strap cought a tangle of Brennan's hair.

"ow...ow..OW BOOTH My HAIR OW!!

"Oh, sorry." Booth untangled her hair, resumed kissing her, and proceeded to unbutton her shirt. He kissed and fumbled, fumbled and kiised, was largly unsuccessful, until Brennan whispered,

"Booth.....they're snaps, not buttons."

"Oh, sorry." said Booth.

Brennan reached up in a haze of passion, running her hands up Booth's chest while she kissed him, then attempting to seductively remove his tie,.

"Bones....*URK*...Bones....*gak*....Bones....*choke*...BONES!! *cough* Let me take it off before you hang me with it!!

========================================================== 1341.6 in reply to 1341.5

Both tore his tie off, then reached over and tore open Brennan's shirt, the snaps popping rapid succession like muted gunfire as he did. He stepped forward and embraced her roughly and at the same time thrust his head forward for a passionate kiss. Their teeth clacked together painfully in his haste"OW!! Jeeeez, careful Booth! Brennan said, checking her lips for blood.

"Oh, sorry" Booth said. But Brennan quickly recovered, and ripping open Booth's shirt, she stepped in and reached up and started to nuzzle and nip and bite Booth's neck from collarbone to ear.

"hee.....heehee......." Booth giggled, cringing away from Brennan and burying his chin against his shoulder. "OH MY GOD THAT TICKLES!!" Booth said.

Brennan tried again.

"EEEEEEEEESTOPIT STOPIT IT TICKLES" Booth giggled uncontrollably.

She tried nibbling his earlobe.

"OHMYGODOHMYGOD STOP IT YOU"RE GIVING ME GOOSEBUMBS IT TICKLESSSSS!" Booth giggled loudly.

1341.7 in reply to 1341.6

Brennan gave that up, but Booth, recovering quickly, , stepped in and started passionately kissing her beautiful ear. "Jeeez Booth, a little less tongue? I already washed my ear today, OK?"

"" Booth said, but undeterred he moved on to Brennan's neck.

"hee.....heehee.....heeheehee.......heeheheeheeheee" Brennan giggled.

"Don't tell me YOU'RE ticklish there too!!" Booth asked.

"I never used too be!! Its your fault!!"

Both gave up and kisse brennan's mouth and started searching for the clasp to her bra. he kissed and fumbled, fumbled and kissed.

Brennan finally said. "I'll do it."

No, almost got it", Booth said.

Its ok, I'll get it."

Just a sec, I'll do it." Booth said.

"Just pull it....got it? No? To the right. Maybe use both hands? *SIGH* I'll do it...

"No" Booth said. "I......almost......hang on.....its......just about....GOT IT!!....no..guess not...."

Finally Booth gave up and just pulled the bra up so it was hanging around Brennan's neck like some bizarre collar.

Booth fell to his knees and grabbed Brennan's breasts with both hands and gripped and kneaded and suckled her nipples with abandon.

*Kiss...slurp....suck...slobber....pinch....twist....twiddle....pinch, slurp...suck...lick....slobber*

"#### Booth, they're not a couple radio knobs, stop twisting and twirling them like you're trying to tune in a station with them will you? And jeeez, got a towel? I'm soaked now!!"

"Oh...sorry." Booth said between slobbers.

===========================================================

Booth then pulled Brennan's slacks to her feet, kissing her up and down the legs. "Now we're getting somewhere" Brennan thought, and gave a soft moan. Booth, excited by the sound, stood and leaning against Brennan, kissed her furiously on the mouth and face as he, still fully clothed, spread Brennan's legs with his knees and forced her thighs apart, thrusting his groin against hers. Brennan, her feet still tangled up in her slacks and underwear, wound up looking like some demented ballet dancer doing a bizarre plie, her thighs forced apart, yet her feet still stuck together by the tangle of clothing.

Booth...BOOTH...jeeeez, I'm flexible but....just let me get....STOP it......my feet are stuck...."

"Oh...sorry" Booth said.  
=========================================================== Booth started dragging Brennan toward the bedroom, still pawing at her breasts with one hand and holding her against him with the other, and attempting to examine her tonsils with his tongue. .  
Brennan managed to kick the clothing off one foot, but with her shirt torn open, her bra up around her neck, and her pants dragging behind her still attached to one foot, looked like the victim of an F-5 tornado assault.

they finally reached the bed, and Brennan said, "Let me get these things off."

Booth, anxious to help, grabbed her bra and attempted to pull it off over her head. Unfortunately the sleeves of her shirt wouldn't alow that, and the bra hooked her nose and snapped her head back rather severely.

*Sniff, rubs nose checks for blood again* I'LL take it off, OK Booth? STOP helping for a minute!!"

"Oh...sorry" Booth said. 


	2. Chapter 2

Brennan decided to take control of the situation,since things weren't going all that well with Booth in charge.

Giving a final sniff and check to her aching nose, she flung off her shirt and bra, stepped daintily out of her pants, and went to place her hands on Booths washboard stomach, thinking about running her hands around his well muscled torso before opening that cocky belt buckle and pants.

With eyes half shut and a soft groan, she spread her fingers across Booth rock hard abs....

"YEEEEE_IKES!!" Booth screamed. "Your hands are FREEZING!!What the hell? Did you dip them in ice or something??"

Brennan drew back, but decided to try again. She reached for Booth, he flinched away, she tried again, but Booth kept twisting and dodging like a girl someone was trying to put a bug on.

"Don't touch me!! EEEEEEE! DON"T!! They're COLD!!"

Booth grabbed her hands and cupped them in his, blowing on them and rubbing them with his.

"Booth, they're warm now!! "Brennan said.

Booth picked her up and flipped her onto the bed.

"Just....keep your hands under the pillow and warm them up while I get these off.

Booth pulled his shirt off, undid his pants, and tried to step out of them, but he had to continually and alternately high step with either foot, from one to the other and back again, trying to get the pants off,but they seem to want to grip his ankles.

Brennan couldn't help the image flooding into her mind of a long legged stork that had stepped in sticky mud and was trying to walk out of it.

and she started to giggle.....and laugh....and laugh louder.....

Now, laughter is all well and good, but in certain situations, laughter can be...well...shall we say...deflating?

Booth deflated like a stuck balloon.

*Pfffffft......dangle*

"NOTHING!! Nothing!!*giggle* uh...c'mere big boy, I'll get you warmed back up again.....my hands are WARM now, stop looking at me like that!!"

Booth hesitated, but then jumped into bed beside Brennan and started kissing and fondling her, and was up to the task again in no time....but....

"Booth.......ew......take your socks off!!"

"But my feet are cold."

"Booth, take those off!!"

"But my feet are comfy!! I like my socks!!See? There striped and everything!!"

"Take the off!! Who wears socks while having sex??"

"I.....never !! " Booth got up and took one sock off and threw it across the room. Getting a little lazy, he just stepped on the toe of the other sock,and started to pull his foot free of it, so there he was, one foot on the floor, the other pulled up as far as he could, and slightly to one side, and he heard Brennan mutter, "Stork....naked stork....HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA'

*Pffffft! *dangle* 


	3. Chapter 3

Brennan, not wanting to give up just yet, reached out and grabbed Booth's manhood and hauled him ,still trapped by the ankles, hopping to the bed, and she happily popped Booth's c*ck into her mouth, and busily got to work.

"Ohhhhh..." Booth groaned as he surged erect again, "Bones.....uuhhhh.....God....that feels....when did you get a tongue stud? I can feel it...ohhhhh, that feels...."

Brennan popped Booth back out of her mouth and said. "Tongue stud? I don't got a.....OH!! Oops..heehee, that's not a tongue stud, its my ...." She popped a bubble, chewed for a sec, and stuck the gum carefully to the leg of the night table beside the bed. "Want that..probably gonna need it later, huh Booth? *wink*"

"Can't you just open a new piece?" Booth asked.

"Nah, why bother? Its that new long lasting gum. Been chewing it for three days."

"Ew...uh..how come I didn't notice it when we were playing tonsil hockey?"

"I knew you'd dive right in like that tongue wise, so, I stuck it to your watch. You didn't even I skilled or what?"

"Guess so...." Booth thought about her chewing the same gum for three days....and where she might have stuck it to save it already.....looked down and decided he better not think about that right now, but he would save it for some time when he might want to hold off when having sex with Brennan, because thinking about it had that pricked balloon effect on him and....OOPS!!....better think about boobs or something quick before that happens again....

Brennan worked on Booth till he was nice and hard, despite a few anxious moments when she thought she felt limp noodle syndrome setting in...but finally she felt he was ready for her, and she said, as she lay back and slowly spread her legs, "Take me Booth, take me NOW!"

Booth, anxious to oblige, went to swing his leg up on the bed so he could leap on top of Brennan and start pumping iron, , but he forgot about the cuffs of his pants still wrapped around either ankle. As he swung his leg up, he reached the end of the slack in his slacks, which made him catch his toe on the outer edge of the mattress, just as he was leaping.

He of course failed, and slide length wise down to the floor against the edge of the mattress, his chin catching on the edge as it went by, snapping his head back and then forward, to smack against the side of the bed frame.

Booth disappeared from Brennan's sight. She called his name. "Booth, you ok?"

Booth slowly arose beside the bed, blood flowing from his forehead and running down either side of his nose and dripping off his chin.  
Brennan looked at Booth and as Booth wiped the blood away with his retreived shirt, she said, "Awww, poor baby. Want me to kiss your head better?"

YES!! Booth said, and grabbed her hair and stuffed his c*ck in her mouth roughly..

"mBmoothmmff....Mppphh... meanffmmph yourmpph.." She pointed to his forhead....

"Shut up and suck" a rather annoyed Booth ordered.

Brennan's brow furrowed, and SHE looked rather annoyed...

OWW! F*CK! OW! OW! BONES STOP BITING OWF*CKOWSTOPIT!!!!!!

Brennan pulled Booth's dick out of her mouth and said, "Y'know, it REALLY annoys me when...."

"I know, I know" Booth said "You really hate it when a guy grabs your hair like that and forces you to blow him."

"No, actually I kinda like that. Its just I don't like the terms blow, or suck, in a case like this, because that's not really what happens. Neither action is truely going on...In reality its more accurate to say..."

"Oh for God's sake!! Booth said, and grabbed Brennan's hair again and stuffed himself in her mouth again, saying ,"Shut the f*ck up and su....er.....provide me with oral stimulation to the glans of my penis."

Brennan smiled as best she could and gave Booth the thumbs up....


	4. Chapter 4

My apologies to all for goofing on the rating for this story. It was brought to my attention that of course this wasn't K rated story, and I'm truly sorry to anyone who may have been offended.

Secondly I was critisized for numerous grammatical errors. True, I'm no English major, and this was written and posted in haste, so I just didn't bother going back and checking everything over.

I write purely for fun, and this story was just a perfect example of that. It was purely for amusement , and I apologize to all concerned if enjoyment was lessoned due to my poor writing skills.

And again, I humbly apologize for the improper rating,I changed it as soon as I could after being made aware of it, and I thank those that brought it to my attention. 


	5. Chapter 5

Booth's eyes were closed, his head thrown back, moaning....groaning...pulling on Brennan's hair...

Brennan stopped pulled away and said, "You're not gonna come this way are you?"

"HUH?" Booth grunted as he pushed Brennan's mouth back on.

Brennan popped her mouth back off. "You're not gonna cum in my mouth are you" she asked

"I'm not?" Booth said.

"This is just to start..you're not gonna are you?"

"No...no...I won't...you can trust me ." Booth said, as he pushed Brennan's mouth back where he wanted it. "Oh baby..that's so goooooood" he moaned.

Brennan's mouth popped back off."You sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure." *Pushes mouth back on.* OOOOHHHHHH man......OOOHHHH!"

*POP* "You telling the truth? You sound like you're getting close."

"No baby...I'm not...really....no worries..." *Pushes mouth back on.* "OhhhhhMMMYGOD that's so....MMMMMM...UUHHHHH"

*POP* "You sound awful close to me.... you SURE you're not going to?"

*NO!I'M NOT! JUST F**KIN NOT!......uh....just a little.....a little longer....I promise....I won't...just...a little....longer...*Pushes mouth back on.* "ooooohhh...oooohhh....oooOOOHHHH....OOOOHHHHHH!"

*POP*.."I dunno...you sound really close to me....you PROMISE you won't cum in my mouth?"

"I F**KING PROMISE NOW F**KING SUCK WILL YOU?" *Pushes mouth back on.*

*POP* "I TOLD you I don't like that statement!"

Booth: "You're f**king gonna make me cry...." 


	6. Chapter 6

*Booth pushes her mouth back on* "Trust me...oohhh.....baby....I won't....omg.....I won't.....I won't....ooooohhhhhhhOOOOHHHOOOHHOOOHH"

*Pop*..."Booth! I'm not sure I CAN trust you! You're a MAN after 'll say anything you have to to get what you want."

"Don't be..*pant*...silly...I wouldn't....*pushes mouth back on*...lie to you ..ooooohhhhbaby!.....uh....just to......uuhhh.......get my.....ROCKS OFF OMG OOOOHHHHHHH!"

*Pop* "Booth! I happen to know a man in your state will say whatever...OH GOD EEWWWWBOOTH!

Booth joyfully splurted his cum all over Brennan's face and chest.

"OH YUCK! BOOTH! You LIED to me Booth! You said you wouldn't..."

"I...*pant*...didn't lie....*puff* .....about anything...."

"You said you wouldn't!" Brennan yelled.

"I didn't...not in your MOUTH, anyway.! You...didn't say anything about your face....So...didn't lie...*smirk* 


End file.
